another junk drawer of a post

rappin to stay relevant

• Every dispatch I receive from Book Internet makes me happier I’m no longer participating in it. Because sorry (we’re whispering now) but influencing is a grift right in there with the best of the MLMs where everyone is your very best friend and you can be a best friend too if you join a publishing pyramid scheme¹ but in order to stay out in front of the algorithm you have to keep performing. So you can see how the increasingly inane lines of discourse are born! And this is why we SHOULD NOT monetize our hobbies! In the immortal words of B.o.B:

  Somebody take me back to the days
  Before this was a job, before I got paid
  Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank
  Yeah, back when I was tryna get a tip at Subway
  And back when I was rappin' for the hell of it
  But nowadays, we rappin' to stay relevant

• Eating American Nutella is like eating Nutella with your nose plugged.

• I started playing Breath of the Wild altruistically so I could help my kid play it and then I just played the whole game. Now I’m playing Tears of the Kingdom like it’s my second job. If I’ve learned anything during my time in Hyrule it’s that Link is a non-binary icon and everyone is down so bad for him. Everywhere I go, people are falling all over themselves about his SWORD SKILLS WINK WINK. I love it. Every shrine puzzle I solve without having to look up a hint makes me feel like the smartest person who has ever lived. I’m having a great time.

  

  me on the clock at my Zelda shift

• My bean crops have failed. I’m trying not to take it personally but it feels like they died on purpose to spite me because I loved them too much. My flowers, however, are doing very well.

my charred, dead beans are out of frame

• I use shampoo bars now and I like them a lot. Recommend.

  • Don’t worry, I still use a lot of dry shampoo. So much dry shampoo, in fact, that sometimes I wonder if my hair is actually this gray or if I just have a lot of dry shampoo in it and I’m doing gray hair stolen valor but then I wash it and oh yeah it’s definitely this gray.

fairly certain this was a clean hair day

• I read two (2) contemporary romances! Not In Love by Ali Hazelwood and Never Been Shipped by Alicia Thompson. I think they deserve a separate post and not a tack on to my Buzzfeed-ass ramblings, so consider this a tease but also a promise to talk about them in the future!

• I am currently reading NOTHING because of the aforementioned Zelda tour of duty I am on. But one day I will return from war! Hopefully my fiancée, Written on the Dark and her twin sister, the other copy of Written on the Dark that I forgot I ordered, will still be in love with me when I return. Probably. They’re very loyal.

lol I love being stupid

• Reminder that it’s not that funny to call people spun up about sex and sexuality “virgins.” It’s way funnier to call people who participate in fantasy sports virgins.

• Living through the crumbling of Empire is wild. I know it’s not a unique experience in the timeline of humanity but also it is because on my little phone there’s mayhem and chaos and sorrows beyond measure. Meanwhile, I have to work on my laptop to design ponds that are supposed to hold storms that are getting worse for new roads so more cars made by Bond villains driven by people who don’t want bike paths in their neighborhoods can get to school board meetings to ban books so the kids will all stop being little queers who identify as cats and don’t write in cursive anymore. But also in my house is a little boy who likes books about a penguin adventurer and tells his dad that he’s saving that book to read with me. And there’s also a little girl who climbs in my bed in the middle of the night and puts me in a headlock while she sleeps with her feet on her dad’s chest. It’s a lot to take in, is what I’m saying. Fight for hope as much as you can, I guess.

1. I’ve had enough church ladies try to sell me snake oil to not see an MLM from a mile away. Bindery is an MLM and someone needs to say it.